Monday, March 2, 2009

Yesterday I woke up sucking on a lemon

Yes, yes I know it has been a long while since I have written here. Sorry. Being sick really sucked, and I felt I had a lot of catching up to do after I felt functional again. I discovered Peppermint Oil is a magical substance that can help one to breathe when it feels like breathing will never be normal again. I also learned that certain regulars at the coffee shop genuinely care about my well being. Or at least they care enough so that I will make their special mochas properly without transferring my sickness to them.

Anywho, I am off on a snow day today. And it has been such a pleasure to lay in bed and read, sleep, and text message to my every whim. I have just completed the first and most terrifying leg of a personal and emotional journey, and this day of rest could not have come at a more necessary time. I have realized, that even though I am a strong and independent lady (fiercely independent, I like to say) I need to be vulnerable. I need to own my vulnerability and nakedly show it to the world. I need to stop worrying about shit, and just let it be. It's tattooed on my arm, and I still need the reminder thrown in my face! I have found solace in a few people who I never thought to find solace in before. And in a way I never thought would be comforting.

The image I would have in my head as one who would help me through this, would be a person laying in bed holding me, as I cried and snotted all over them. They would just stroke my hair and hold on and let it all pass. But this isn't the case. The most comfort I receieved was through distant connections. Through texts and the phone. Or in passing. It meant more to me than if said person dropped all they were doing to prop me up as I attemted to create a human fountain of tears and snot.

I am learning a lot about myself. I learn a lot every day, about myself and others...but I feel like I just took a day-long crash course in Sarah-ology.

Everyone has been telling me to read Eat Pray Love for the longest time, and on a whim I went out and bought it. There are so many sections in it that have applied directly to my experience, I'm wondering hows come I don't know the lady who wrote this, and why isn't she my bosom buddy already? Well she kinda is, through her writing. Anyways I will share a few sections with you here.

This is the author talking about the man she fell in love with right after her marriage began to dissolve (this doesn't apply directly to me, since I have yet to fall in love again)

"But, oh, we had such a great time together during those early months when he was still my romantic hero and I was still his living dream. It was excitement and compatability like I'd never imagined. We invented our own language. We went on day trips and road trips. We hiked to the top of things, swam to the bottom of other things, planned journeys across the world we would take together. We had more fun waiting in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles than most couples have on their honeymoons. We gave each other the same nickname so their would be no separation between us. we made goals, vows, promises, and dinner together. He read books to me, and he did my laundry. (The first time that happened, I called Susan to report the marvel in astonishment, like I'd just seen a camel using a pay phone. I said 'A man just did my laundry! And he even hand washed my delicates!' and she repeated: 'Oh my God, baby, you are in so much trouble.')"

I am in love with this woman and her book.

I am also reading Light Emerging by Barbara Ann Brennan, who I fondly refer to as Babs in my head. There will be an excerpt posted about that one in the near future. Now, I leave you with this:
Green bananas with brown spots.

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